Hojo's (Almost) Week in the Feudal Era
by pikaree1
Summary: Hojo (almost) spends a week in the Feudal Era, and the whole time he's put through a little torture... Alternate summary: Hojo is bashed and encounters a bunch of Inuyasha cliches back in the Feudal Era. Parody/Adventure/Humor.
1. Prologue

**Petal: We've got another jointed fanfictiooooooooooon~~~~~~!**

**Copper: A parody it is, then! For Inuyasha!**

**Inuyasha: I don't wanna be part of no dumb parody!**

**Petal: **_**You will do it or Kagome will sit you into next millenium.**_

**Inuyasha: Then it's a good thing you two ain't the owners of the Inuyasha anime 'n' manga.**

**Copper: Hahaha! We just tricked you into doing the disclaimer!**

The Inuyasha group stared at Kagome, flabbergasted. "Well?" she asked patiently. "Are any of you going to go to the historical festival with me?"

Sango coughed, "Are you sure we won't have to dress in clothes from your time?"

Kagome gave her the A-Okay sign. "Positively!"

Inuyasha stubbornly refused until Kagome told him that there would be ramen.

They traveled over to the well. In the meantime, Rin, who had overheard, went to beg Sesshomaru to take her to the festival. Koga, who had been stalking Kagome, sped over to the well, and Ayame, who had been stalking him, followed. Sesshomaru gave Rin his consent, and Kagura, who had been stalking Sesshomaru, flew back to Naraku's lair.

"Hey, Naraku!" she called. "I'm following Inuyasha and his shard detector to a festival!"

"Sure, yeah, okay," the half-demon muttered. "Take Kanna and Hakudoshi with you as well." His head remained bent over a pile of paperwork. "The money needed to pay for the damage Kagura made while training... plus Hakudoshi's candy... and my hair appointment... and all the cash needed to buy my eyeshadow would be..."

His secretary Kikyo approached him. "Naraku. Remember how you were wondering were your usual hairdresser- Yura, I think her name was?- went? Well, apparently she's dead, and she's suing you for not saving her."

He grunted, "Have Kanna be my lawyer. Her mirror shows all evidence I can use to save my buggy behind. Geez, add that to the fact that I'm suing Menomaru for striking all those poses in Movie 1 instead of killing Inuyasha, and I'm in a financial pickle... I wish I could hire an actual lawyer..."

Kagura sweatdropped and went to collect her siblings.

Inuyasha's group jumped down the well, followed by Sesshomaru's group and the wolves. Kagura flew Kanna, Entei, and Hakudoshi down to join the rest, and they all exited the well in a tumble. Kagome's grandfather immediately came to see what the commotion was all about. When he saw the demons, he immediately tried to exorcise them.

_GRAMPA HIGURASHI used SACRED SUTRAS!_

_JAKEN fainted!_

_It didn't affect OTHER DEMONS..._

_GRAMPA HIGURASHI gained 0.000000000000001 EXP. points!_

_GRAMPA HIGURASHI grew to Lv. 2!_

Kagome sweatdropped at Souta's narration. "He plays waaaaaaaaaay too much Pokemon (A/N: Copper's playing his Ruby Version as we type!)."

Everyone crowded into Kagome's living room as she explained that they weren't allowed to attack anyone or she'd place beads of subjugation on them, and she further explained that in Sesshomaru's case, she'd have Rin do it for her, understand, Jaken? She and her group left for the festival while Mrs. Higurashi forced the others to drink some lemonade. Everyone made Kagome and Inuyasha tell them whether or not there was a randomness demon hidden in the juice.

After confirming that the lemonade was harmless, Kagome opened the door to head to the festival. However, standing right outside were Hojo, Ayumi, Eri, and Yuka! "Hello, Kagome!" they exclaimed cheerfully. "We're here to pick you up for the festival!"

Hojo's grin faded when he saw Inuyasha. "Kagome, who are those people?" he asked.

"Um... they're my friends from out of town! This is Sango, her husband Miroku, and their son Shippo! And this is Inuyasha!" she answered quickly.

All of a sudden, Ayame rushed over to the group. "Kagome!" she screamed. "Sesshomaru melted your TV with his poison!"

Kagome ran inside, and sure enough, Sesshomaru had poison dripping from his claws with a ruined television not too far away. Kagome threatened to have Rin cry for two hours straight _and _place beads of subjugation on him. Once she left, Sesshomaru attempted- key word being _attempted_- to repair the TV.

In the meantime, Kagome was walking with her rather large group of friends to the festival. "Hey, Inuyasha," she said, checking the brochure, "they ran out of ramen." Just as Inuyasha was about to complain, she added, "But they have poppity corn and sugar." Now, everyone, poppity corn is something that will be posted in a fanfiction we will do soon. Right. _Soon._ We'll just explain it now. Poppity corn is our OC food that pops ten times as loud as popcorn and tastes ten times as good. It was created by a bad guy who was trying not to be cliche by taking over the world, and when you add sugar to poppity corn, you have ten times the energy and there is a 50% chance that you'll become hyper. In Sesshomaru and Hikaru Himuro's case, they would become normal people, meaning Sesshomaru would smile and Hikaru wouldn't be so obsessed with challenging Reiji Ozora all the time. Those who have not read/watched Dragon Drive will not understand what we're talking about. Anyway, Inuyasha immediately perked up, and he began brainstorming ways to get Sesshomaru to eat it.

Hojo was suspicious about a certain something since Inuyasha was walking directly next to Kagome. However, he quickly changed the subject. "What are your costumes?" he asked cheerfully.

Kagome thought fast. "Well, I'm a priestess, Inuyasha's a dog hanyou, Sango's a demon slayer, Miroku's a monk, and little Shippo's a kitsune." Shippo goo-goo-ga-ga-ed to make his baby disguise more believable.

"But what about the other people in your living room?" Yuka pressed. "And why's that cat got two tails?"

"Kilala was rescued from a lab," Kagome uttered quickly. "The silver-haired guy, Sesshomaru, is a dog daiyoukai, the red-eyed lady, Kagura, is a wind youkai, the little girl, Rin, is dressed as a feudal princess, the little boy, Kohaku, is also dressed as a demon slayer, the silver-haired kid, Hakudoshi, is dressed as a... uh... I actually don't know. The albino, Kanna, is dressed as a mirror demon, the ponytail guy, Koga, is a wolf demon, his lackeys are wolf demons, and the girl with pigtails, Ayame, is also dressed as a wolf demon. What are you guys dressed as?"

Hojo smiled proudly. "I'm wearing the old robes of my ancestor, Akitoki Hojo! He was the vassal of a fox demon!"

Sango squeezed Shippo tightly to keep him from speaking. "You're undercover here, so don't even try it," she muttered under her breath.

Ayumi, Eri, and Yuka were obviously dressed as white wolf demons like Ayame. Sango was grateful that Kagome had told them that a lot of the cosplayers would get really into their roles; she would have spoken much too carefully if that wasn't true. Kagome's classmates would know something was up from her guarded tone.

Eventually, everyone arrived at the festival. Miroku started towards a group of female demon slayer cosplayers, but Sango grabbed him by the of his robes and hissed something in his ears that caused him to go pale. Then she and Kohaku went to join the group and share their stories which were much more believable than the rest of the group's. They also explained the flaws in the different strategies, effectively stunning the group. A bunch of dog demon cosplayers tried to get all buddy-buddy with Sesshomaru- judging from the ice cold glares they were getting, they weren't having much luck. Rin used some gold coins Sesshomaru had given her to buy two large bags of poppity corn. Then she began her quest to make Sesshomaru act normal- if only temporarily. Kohaku paled while Souta simply began narrating.

_RIN used PUPPY-DOG EYES!_

_It's super effective!_

_SESSHOMARU gave in to her demands!_

_RIN used POPPITY CORN!_

_SESSHOMARU started acting like a normal person!_

_It's the END OF THE WORLD!_

Souta walked off to find another unsuspecting victim while Kohaku and Jaken started hyperventilating. Rin pointed to a stand and begged Sesshomaru to win a stuffed dog for her. The great-and-powerful demon lord threw the rings at the targets with deadly accuracy one only gains through years of waving an energy whip around and kicking Jaken. When he handed the toy to Rin, he- gasp!- SMILED!

Inuyasha, Kagome, Sango, Miroku, and even Shippo had major eye-twitches while everyone else just looked on curiously.

Hojo, Eri, and Yuka continued their quest to break up my wonderful and totally canon Rebornshipping while Ayumi chattered on about how she did on the test. Hojo went up to Kagome and asked her if she wanted to go to a coffee shop afterwards, just the two of them. Inuyasha, who has excellent hearing, pulled Kagome away and gave Hojo a glare so fierce and deadly that it nearly sent the poor boy running for his mamma. "That would be great for my story!" Ayumi exclaimed.

"Story?" everyone chorused in confusion.

"Yep!" she nodded brightly. "It's a romance! The princess is in love with a half-demon, and he loves her back, and they're on a quest to collect shards of the Shikon no Tama with a female demon slayer, a lecherous monk, and an adorable little kitsune! However, the hanyou has many rivals, and, and!" (A/N: If you want to know her story, look up the Inuyasha plot on wikipedia) "Plus," she added, "there's a wolf demon standing in his way, and a human is trying to win the princess's heart as well! On top of all that, they must get the shards before an evil spider hanyou with hair problems named Naraku does! Not to mention there are two witches trying to get the princess and the human together!"

Everyone's eyes twitched since they all were connected to a little bit of the plot.

Eri and Yuka grabbed Kagome and dragged her off, saying that they needed to tell her something. In the meantime, Inuyasha and Hojo were having a glaring contest while Sango, Miroku, and Shippo held up signs with slogans like 'Go Inuyasha!' and 'Inuyasha for the win!'. The acting-normal-Sesshomaru would occasionally hold up signs with advice behind Hojo's back right in Inuyasha's field of vision. If there was one thing that dog demon knew other than kicking Jaken and waving around an energy whip, it was glaring.

* * *

><p>Eri and Yuka had Kagome backed up against a wall. Souta came in and started singing. "Backed against a wallGotta give it your all/Ah ah ah ah/This is the final stand/Ah ah ah ah ah ah/The power's in your hand/Two worlds collide/On the inside/You gotta fight for what's right/Before it's gone, gone, gone/This is BakuGAN!" Then he disappeared as quickly as he had arrived.

Kagome shook her head. "Mom seriously needs to keep him from watching too much anime. Last week it was Bakegyamon; now it's Bakugan. Is he watching all the animes in the world alphabetically or something?"

Eri cleared her throat. "Anyway, Kagome, that Inuyasha guys bad news."

"Yeah," Yuka chimed in. "I mean, what kind of guy carries around a real giant sword?" (A/N: Pretend they saw him draw Tetsusaiga)

A cloaked figure dropped from the roof. "And the two witches tried to turn the young princess against her love!" the figure exclaimed, furiously scribbling in a notebook.

The three girls sweatdropped. _Ayumi..._ However, they decided to ignore her rather than try to make her stop writing. "Inuyasha may be rough'n'tough, but he protects me!" Kagome argued. "As much as he denies it, he worries about my safety!"

Ayumi had hearts in her eyes. "Just like in my story!" she exclaimed gleefully. "Oh, for joy! This is a wonderful world of coincidences we live in!"

Souta showed up again. "We should change her name to Tomoyo," he said matter-of-factly before disappearing.

Kagome sweatdropped. "He's even reading shoujo... Cardcaptor Sakura..." She quickly used the temporary boy-reading-shoujo-manga-induced paralysis that Eri and Yuka were going through to make her escape. After the festival, Hojo asked Kagome if she'd like to go to the amusement park the next day.

She shook her head. "Sorry, Hojo, but I'm going on a trip with Inuyasha, Miroku, and Sango tomorrow for summer vacation. I'll have to decline," she explained.

"Then why don't I go with you?" he announced cheerfully. "Then I'll still be able to spend my summer with you!" Eri and Yuka squealed while Ayumi wrote something along the lines of 'and then the tricky human invited himself on the princess's journey and attempted to impress her with his apparently heartfelt words.'

Kagome shook her head. "No; it's too dangerous. We'll be traveling through de- I mean, danger-infested forests."

"Then what about you?" Hojo asked in confusion.

"Inuyasha will protect me!" came the confident response.

Inuyasha walked over to them. "Aw, c'mon, Kagome!" he said with disturbing cheerfulnes. "Let 'im come, just for a week? Then he'll know just how dangerous it is!"

"But-" Kagome began, only to be cut off by Inuyasha slapping Hojo on the back.

"It's decided!" the hanyou declared. "Welcome aboard, Hoho! I mean Hobo! I mean Hojo!" Everyone sweatdropped at Inuyasha's inability to remember Hojo's name. This was gonna be one odd journey. P.S: Everyone else already returned home through the well.

**Petal: I just realized that I typed up most of that. Oh well! I'll just make Copper do the next chapter!**

**Copper: So, you'd rather have me type it than you getting to go type, type, backspace, type, backspace, backspace, type? **

**Petal: ...That's cruel. Don't you have to type up your OCs on PokeSpe GX?**

**Copper: So lemme on already!**

**Petal: After we upload this. Review!**


	2. Day 1

**Petal: Hey! We finally updated!**

**Inuyasha: Urgh... More of this fanfiction stuff...**

**Petal: Random note: I'm taking my math midterm.**

**Kagome: What?! You poor thing! And it's over the course of **_**two days! **_**It must have taken a lot of effort to update! Inuyasha! **_**SIT**_**!**

**Inuyasha: Gaaah! *faceplants***

**Petal: *smirks* Operation Get-Kagome's-Pity-And-It-Leads-To-Inuyasha-Not-Complaining-Anymore is a success! *turns to readers* It's actually pretty simple stuff, but don't tell Kagome that- it's 'cause I'm a few grades below her and the test itself is quite easy if you remember how to do what's on it. **

**Copper & Petal: We, pikaree1, don't own Inuyasha!**

The group went down the well. Hojo freaked out. "Why are we jumping down a well?! And why's it all glow-y?! Kagome, I'll protect you!"

Inuyasha snorted. "She doesn't need protection, stupid. She's done this a hundred three times."

Kagome frowned. "I thought it was a hundred four."

"That's 'cause you count the first time you came down," Inuyasha pointed. "And the director's not looking, so please don't sit me!"

Hojo just blinked confusedly.

When they hit the bottom, everyone climbed out except for Hojo who was still blinking confusedly.

"Hojo, hurry up!" Kagome called.

"We don't have all day, Pansy Boy!" Inuyasha added.

"Inuyasha, SIT!"

Kaede checked the schedule and handed it to Sango. "She needs to do it twice more before lunch, and then during lunch, ten times, and about five more times before evening, and then they'll have their sweet romantic moment just after sunset," she instructed before noticing the camera trained on her. "Where does ye think ye is pointing that thing? Focus on Inuyasha and Kagome!"

The camera panned to show what was going on at the well.

Inuyasha was hauling Hojo out. "Jeez, Holo, you're heavier than you look," he grunted.

"It's Hojo," Kagome corrected.

"Whatever."

Then our merry group set out on their way!

Miroku's hand strayed near Sango's rear end, she slapped him, and Shippo called him an idiot.

Just like usual!

Hojo wondered if this was normal.

Then, a couple hours (and sits) later, Kagura came flying down. "Die, Inuyasha," she said in a monotone voice as she halfheartedly tossed a couple of wind blades at him. He deflected them easily, and she made her landing and walked towards them. "And now I must ask you to help free me from Naraku even though I should just drug his milkshake with a sleeping potion and then stolen my heart from him while he was asleep before sneaking out of there and fleeing, preferably to another continent. Or I could just join Sesshomaru's growing travel group. Yeah, that sounds like a good plan. But if Naraku found out Kikyo let him do that, he'd fire her and then she'd hunt me down 'cause she lost her job..." Kagura floated away on her giant feather.

Hojo stared, dumbstruck.

Kagome noticed and explained, "She isn't always like this. I'm guessing that Kikyo forgot to give her her morning coffee."

"I wouldn't put it past that witch to do it on purpose," Inuyasha grumbled.

"You're supposed to still be hopelessly in love with her," Shippo reminded him. "Did the director stop bribing you with ramen or something?"

"Yeah."

Hojo was very, very scared for Kagome's friends and their sanity- as well as that of Kagome herself. A few more hours later, they reached a village. "Please, good travelers, we beseech you, get rid of the demon that is terrorizing our village!" Villager #1 pleaded.

"Of course we will!" Kagome responded, and to Inuyasha, she said, "I'm sensing a jewel shard nearby. It's probably the demon."

Villager #2 pointed to a nearby lake that was a couple miles away from the village. "The demon lives there. Good luck!"

The group headed over to the lake, Sango and Miroku on Kilala, Kagome and Shippo riding on Inuyasha's back, and Hojo on Kagome's bike.

When they got there, they were met with a beautiful woman who smelled strongly of fish in a blue kimono. "Oh, please help me!" she sobbed.

Miroku was at her side in an instant. "Of course we will, dear lady! By the way, will you bear my child?"

"Five... Four... Three... Two... One," Inuyasha and Shippo muttered.

_SLAP!_

"Well, gee, Sango, I didn't know you cared!" Miroku said cheekily as he rubbed the red imprint on his cheek.

"Inuyasha! I'm sensing a jewel shard!" Kagome hissed. "It's coming from that woman!"

Inuyasha yawned. "Got it. Hey, demon, can we hurry this up? The substitute directors are getting impatient."

The woman nodded. "Fine." Then she revealed her true form- a giant, floating, fat, sickly looking tuna with sharp teeth and yellow eyes. Miroku shuddered, blue lines of dread crawling down his face.

"Wind Scar!" Inuyasha screamed. The fish fell onto the grass in pieces, the jewel shard following shortly after.

"So. Anyone want sashimi for dinner?" Kagome asked conversationally as Inuyasha snatched the jewel out of the air.

"I dunno..." Sango said doubtfully. "I think we should dispose of it. We don't want a repeat of the boiled demon incident."

"Hear, hear," Inuyasha agreed, nodding.

"But eating it _is_ disposing of it!" Miroku and Shippo argued. They quieted down when Fluffy- I mean, _Sesshomaru_ came along.

"Di-"

He was cut off by Kagome. "Kagura already said it."

Sesshomaru went away for a while and came back with a piece of paper. "I got a new permit! Now. DIE, INUYASHA!" Yup. The most cliched line in the show.

They sparred for a while until Jaken came along. "Milord! There's a village boy flirting with Rin!"

Sesshomaru's demonic aura became visibly stronger. And tangible. Sango cut off a piece with Hiiraikotsu and wondered what would happen if she added hot water to it. Would it produce a chibi Sesshomaru? Maybe they should try it with a piece of Inuyasha's hair...

"We will continue this fight another day," Sesshomaru snarled as he whirled around and stalked off to the village.

"Don't kill anyone!" Inuyasha called after him.

At the end of the day, Kagome tearfully scolded him for putting himself in danger like that.

"But Kagome-"

"Sit boy!" she screamed hysterically.

_Thump!_

"Ow! Kagome!"

"He might've killed you!"

"So?!"

"I don't want you to die!"

"And I want to kill Sesshomaru!"

"Do that again and I'll you-know-what you into next week!"

"What?! That's even worse! I don't want to die being sat!"

"Then how would you like to die?!"

"I'm not gonna die!"

"Yes, you will! Now tell me before I 's-word' you again!"

"Fine! I wanna go down fighting in a blaze of glory!"

"Fighting?!"

"Yeah, fighting! I lost Kikyo because of Naraku! I'm not gonna let him take you away, too! If I'm goin' down, it'll be fighting to protect you!"

"Inuyasha..." Kagome was at a loss for words. Then she hugged him. "Thank you. I'm just glad you're not hurt. But don't put yourself in danger like that ever again-!" She started sobbing and hugged him tighter. If he wasn't a hanyou, she might have cut off his circulation like that.

Hojo was sobbing, Miroku and Sango were smiling, Kilala was mewing, and Shippo sweatdropped, knowing full well that the two weren't acting. Geesh, grown-ups were so lovey-dovey and icky...

**Petal: And there we have it. Our newest chapter. See why this is under Parody? Please review! **


	3. Day 2

**Petal: I am back! Dance for me, my puppets! *holds up puppet versions of Inuyasha and Kagome***

**Inuyasha: *glares* Great. I ain't dancing!**

**Kagome: Petal! Where were you?! We were waiting for months!**

**Petal: Sorry... I had other stories... And, y'know, school... I don't own Inuyasha! It's property of Rumiko Takahashi!**

Hojo woke up the next morning to see Kagome, Inuyasha, Miroku and Sango sitting around the campfire drinking coffee. "Good morning, Hojo!" Kagome said when she noticed he was awake.

"Um, Kagome, shouldn't we continue our journey?" he asked, thinking he should play along with the 'mythical historical reenactment'.

However, the girl shook her head. "The substitute director said she was going to have the team film a Sesshomaru-centric scene." She turned and glared at Bob. "What are you waiting for?! You're at the wrong shooting spot!"  
>Bob hurried off before he got fired.<p>

* * *

><p>"Sesshomaru! You have to help me!" Kagura yelled.<p>

"No. You are the one trying to become free. You must do it on your own. I refuse to help," Sesshomaru said flatly.

"...I'll give you a jewel shard!"

"Not interested."

"OH, COME ON!" Kagura glared at him. "FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE, HELP SOMEONE!"

"I have." He pointed at Rin who was playing with A-Un.

"...FINE! HELP ANOTHER DEMON!"

"I have. Inuyasha wouldn't be as strong as he is right now if it wasn't for me."

"JUST HELP ME!"

"No. My answer is final," Sesshomaru said calmly.

Kagura stormed away on her feather. Naraku was calling, and she wasn't wasting anymore time.

* * *

><p>"Kukuku... You will lure Inuyasha and his group into a trap and steal their jewel shards," Naraku cackled in a barely audible voice.<p>

Kagura leaned closer to her creator with a hand cupped to her ear. "Didn't catch that. Say it again?"

"KUKUKU YOU WILL LURE INUYASHA AND HIS GROUP INTO A TRAP AND STEAL THEIR JEWEL SHARDS!" Naraku bellowed, abandoning his mysterious antagonist shtick.

"Oh. You should've said so," Kagura sneered as she flew out on her feather. Naraku sneered back.

* * *

><p>Kagura flew down in front of Inuyasha and the gang. Inuyasha drew Tetsusaiga. "Kagura! What do you want now?!"<p>

She snorted. "Oh, please. I'm not here to fight you. I just came to tell you I saw Kikyo in the forest by the next village over that way." She pointed the way and was about to fly off when Inuyasha stopped her.

"Hey! Why are you telling us this?!" Inuyasha demanded as Kagome looked crestfallen. "Is it some sort of trap?!"

"Figure that out for yourself," Kagura shot back. Then she really did fly away.

"Alright! To the next village, guys!" Inuyasha shouted determinedly. Kagome plodded on next to him. Inuyasha signalled Sango, and she nodded before tackling Bob.

"Hey, Kagome, you know it's just the script, right?" Inuyasha whispered.

Kagome quickly shook her head and nodded. "Yeah. Sorry. Let's go!"

Sango released Bob from the headlock she had him in and ran to catch up with the rest of the group.

When they reached the village, Inuyasha made a face. "Great. I have to face the witch again. How much longer do I have to do this?"

Miroku elbowed him but maintained a smile. "Now, Inuyasha, remember! You are getting paid in ramen for this!"

Inuyasha grumbled a bit but otherwise didn't react.

"Gashp! A demon!" Villager #1 from the last chapter shouted.

Shippo frowned. "Hey, aren't you the guy from before?"

"Uhhhh, I have no idea what you're talking about! Now I'd better tell the priestess living in the forest about the demon!" He ran off leaving Inuyasha and the gang sweatdropping.

"Well, let's get this over with," Inuyasha grumbled, dashing after the villager.

Kagome looked ready to cry.

"Kagome! Are you okay?!" Hojo asked worriedly, reaching towards her.

She waved him off. "No, no, I'm fine. It's just that I have to act all sad and stuff to make it more convincing." She smiled. "I'm perfectly fine! See?"

"Kagome! Now you have to go after him!" Sango called, checking the script.

Kagome nodded and dashed off, tripping and stumbling at the appropriate places as she ran through the forest that had suddenly appeared out of nowhere.

"I wonder how Inuyasha ran so fast," Hojo mumbled. "That isn't humanly possible. Then again, everything's been impossible here. Like a woman handling a boomerang that big."

Sango hit him on the head with the 'big boomerang'. "How dare you! Women are perfectly capable of using the same weapons as men, thank you! And its name isn't 'big boomerang', it's Hiraikotsu!"

* * *

><p><em>'Inuyasha... Inuyasha!'<em> Kagome thought desperately, stumbling through the forest for the camera. She froze when she saw him embracing Kikyo. "Inuyasha..."

Inuyasha hid a grimace. So did Kikyo. "Kikyo, I miss you!" he said through gritted teeth. "Why do you keep pushing me away?! I thought you loved me!" You had to give the guy credit. He pulled off his lines perfectly.

"If _you _really did love _me_, you would come to the Underworld with me," Kikyo said bitterly. She pulled a dagger out from her sleeve and had it poised to slash Inuyasha. "DIE, INUYASHA!"

"NO, INUYASHA!" Kagome screamed.

Kikyo frowned. A witness. "You have escaped with your life this time, Inuyasha!" she shouted as she stormed off.

Inuyasha turned around. "Kagome, I-"

"SIT BOY!" the girl choked out, sobbing. "HOW COULD YOU?!" Then she ran off in tears.

Inuyasha tried to lift his head off the ground. "Kagome..."

Kagome burst through the trees, crying.

"Kagome!" Hojo shouted in alarm.

Sango simply handed her a damp towel that the younger girl used to wipe her eyes. "I wish I could cry on command. Those eye drops are a pain," she sighed. Sango nodded sympathetically.

Hojo frowned. "So... You weren't crying?"

"Of course not!" she said brightly. "I know Inuyasha doesn't mean it!"

"You! Edit that part out!" Sango shouted at Bob. The cameraman nodded furiously.

That night at camp...

Inuyasha and Kagome were on opposite sides of the camp, sulking. Neither was going to be the first to apologize.

"They're so stubborn," Sango sighed as she tended the fire.

"Yes, they are," Miroku agreed, rubbing her rear. She slapped him again.

"I'm going to go comfort Kagome," Hojo declared, standing up. "She shouldn't be so upset about a guy wearing a fuzzy dog ear headband and carrying around a plastic sword.

Sango and Miroku stood up in alarm, but Sango tripped over Kirara and Miroku tripped over her. Shippo was too far away to see what was happening since he was staring at Inuyasha and waiting for him to apologize to Kagome.

However, the half-demon noticed the weird human's scent getting nearer to Kagome's, so he leaped across in one bound and landed in front of her. "Listen, Kagome, I... I'm sorry," he muttered, looking away.

It was enough for Kagome to work with. "Inuyasha! I'm sorry, too!" she sobbed, throwing her arms around him and crying onto his shoulder.

Hojo stood some distance away, stone.

Inuyasha awkwardly patted her back as she continued to blubber onto the fire rat robe. "I know it wasn't any of my business, but Kikyo was about to kill you, and you were just going to let her! You still haven't avenged her yet!"

They just stood there hugging while Sango furiously gestured for the cameraman to turn off his device.

Hojo was still stone.

**Hojo: *still stone***

**Petal: I should snap him out of it, shouldn't I.**

**Shippo: Probably.**

**Inuyasha: Kagome, can you make the director write a scene were I **_**don't**_** get sat?**

**Kikyo: Inuyasha, I'm ashamed of you! This show is named after you! You of all people should know our three cliches! Kagome, if you will.**

**Kagome: With pleasure! The three cliches of Inuyasha are you being sat, the phrase "DIE, INUYASHA!", and Naraku stealing all our jewel shards.**

**Sango: *poking Hojo statue* Think it would work as bait for demons?**

**Miroku: I dunno. Hey! Maybe next chapter, we can do a mini-quest of making him flesh and blood again! Please say if you want this to happen in a review!**


	4. Day 3

**Petal: No one answered... But I'll do the mini quest anyway!**

**Inuyasha: She doesn't own me or the Inuyasha franchise; she's only a substitute director because this is fanfiction. But she has a lot of ramen that she's using to bribe me!**

**Kagome: All she owns is Bob the cameraman.**

**Petal: And I don't own Miroku's line 'He reminds me of me'. That's Brock's from that one episode of Pokemon. I also don't own Kirara who is the most adorable character in the series in her little form.**

"Let's go!" Inuyasha shouted. "We can't waste any more time here!"

"Wait!" called Bob the cameraman. "What about the stone guy?"

Inuyasha paused. "**** it. I guess we do have to fix him..."

"All the better!" Miroku said cheerfully, rubbing Sango's rear. "The director has no idea what to do, so a mini quest is a perfect idea!"

Sango slapped him and conked him on the head with Hiraikotsu.

"Fine, fine," Inuyasha grumbled.

Kagome sighed. "At least we actually have a purpose that doesn't involve Naraku taking our hard work..."

* * *

><p>"A way to turn people back from stone?" Village Girl #1 said curiously. "Well, maybe you could ask the doctor who lives at the edge of town. He's known to have all kinds of medicines."<p>

Inuyasha ground his teeth. "I hate lugging this statue around..." Strapped to his back was the stone Hojo.

"At least he didn't disintegrate," Kagome said optimistically. "That would be even more difficult!"

"Why won't plot convenience turn him back?" Shippo inquired. "It works in Pokemon and Fullmetal Alchemist and a bunch of other anime."

"Because our anime is called Inuyasha. It's different from the others," Kagome explained.

Then they got to the doctor's house.

"Hello!" Suikotsu said.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Meow!"

"WHAT THE **** ARE YOU DOING HERE?! AREN'T YOU DEAD?!"

Suikotsu sweatdropped. "Well, see, the guy playing the doctor is still in his dressing room, so I'm here until he finally gets out..."

"Hello! I'm the doctor, Roi! Which of you fine ladies needs to get healed?" the doctor said, suddenly appearing. He was a young guy with black hair and dark eyes and gloves with a strange magic circle design thing on it.

Suikotsu inched out of the hut. "As I'm no longer needed here, I'll be going!"

Roi approached Kagome first- Kagome Cliche #1: A bunch of characters always fall in love with her and fight with Inuyasha and hundreds of thousands of shippers start writing angry fanfiction in which the characters are beat up and/or killed. Well, that's what I do, anyway. I just never posted them. "Young lady, might you consider going out with me?"

"I don't like this guy!" Miroku declared. "He reminds me of me!"

Inuyasha punched the guy's face in. "We need ya to turn this guy back from stone." Then he dropped the Hojo statue on Roi's head.

"I can... do it... Just get it... offa me...!" he choked out.

Sango grudgingly pulled it off and held Hiraikotsu in front of her defensively. "Don't try it, buster."

"Yeah!" Miroku joined in. "That's my job!"

"Fine, fine..." Roi pulled out a red stone.

Because I'm obsessed with crossovers.

And Fullmetal Alchemist people, you know who you are.

"A sacred jewel shard!" Kagome gasped.

Roi looked surprised. "Yes, this is a shard of the Shikon no Tama that I found in my herb garden. I use it to heal, but I dyed it red to disguise it in case someone comes to steal it."

Okay, so it's not the Philosopher's Stone. Back to the story.

He placed on Hojo's head and let it work its magic. Hojo became flesh and blood again. Don't ask how.

"Now, where's my fee?" Roi asked pleasantly. "A date with one of these fine ladies, perhaps?"

Inuyasha grabbed the jewel shard and bashed the guy's face in again. Kagome half-heartedly protested about how it wasn't right, but she quickly gave up. They grabbed Hojo and zoomed outta there.

Somewhere along the way, they encountered Kouga. The typical argument began.

"Kagome's my woman!" Kouga growled.

"She ain't anyone's woman!" Inuyasha barked back.

Hojo looked between the two demonic men anxiously. "Um, actually, she's my gi-"

"STAY OUTTA THIS!" Inuyasha and Kouga roared.

"INUYASHA! THAT'S NO WAY TO TREAT A HUMAN!" Kagome yelled. "SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT-"

One hour later...

"SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT BOY!"

Inuyasha was literally six feet under. Then he scrambled back out. "Kagome! What was that for?!" he demanded.

Hojo felt the sides of the hole. "Wow! It's perfectly smooth!" he marvelled. "How did he get out?"

"PROTAGONIST POWER!, my friend!" Miroku said pleasantly.

"PROTAGONIST POWER!" boomed a narrator's voice from the heavens.

"It's about time we got a narrator," Sango mused idly. "Now Kagome doesn't have to do the recaps."

"KUKUKU I WILL NOW STEAL YOUR JEWEL SHARDS!" Naraku leaped in with his baboon suit, grabbed Kagome's jewel shards, and leaped away.

"You weren't supposed to steal them for another two weeks!" Inuyasha shouted, waving Tetsusaiga around angrily. "Wind Scar!"

Unfortunately, Naraku was too far away. Oh wells.

**Petal: And so ends another pathetic, super-short chapter. It was fun to write, though.**

**Inuyasha: You better review! And give me all your ramen!**


	5. Day 4

**Petal: Yeah... I don't own Inuyasha... And I'm going abroad for two weeks!**

**Inuyasha cast: BANZAI! WE'RE FREE! *celebrate***

**Petal: QAQ I thought you guys liked me!**

**Inuyasha cast: *blank stares***

**Petal: Anyway, Kagome gets kidnapped a lot (the thunder brothers... Kikyo... Hakudoshi...), so this time, it's Sesshomaru's turn to do the deed. **

The gang had to start from scratch again. "When I get my claws on Naraku..." Inuyasha muttered darkly.

"GYAH!" Kagome yelled as she was carried off by Sesshomaru.

"KAGOME!" Inuyasha screamed.

"If you want her back, you must give me Tetsusaiga," Sesshomaru.

"I CAN'T HEAR YA!"

"IF YOU WANT HER BACK YOU MUST GIVE ME TETSUSAIGA!"

"Oh no! Oh no! Kagome's in danger!" Hojo panicked. "We have to call the police!"

Inuyasha frowned. "What's a 'pole-ese'?"

Sango fished a dictionary out of Kagome's left-behind bag. " 'Police'," she read. " 'Civil force of a government, responsible for maintaining public order'. So... basically law enforcement."

Inuyasha snorted. "Oh. What can _those_ wimpy humans do against Sesshomaru? I ain't happy to admit it, but he's one of the strongest demons around. No, leave this to train professionals." He turned to face his friends. "Try to keep up." Then he leaped off in the direction Sesshomaru had flown.

"Come on, Kirara!" Sango ordered. The little kitten became engulfed in flames and was suddenly a large saber-toothed tiger. Her master hopped on her back (accompanied by Shippo and Miroku) and they were off, Hojo just managing to hang onto a tail.

* * *

><p>"Kya!" Kagome screamed as she was tossed into a cave. "Why are you doing this?!"<p>

"Isn't it obvious?" Sesshomaru sneered. "You are the one he cares for the most. Therefore, you're the most effective hostage."

"I'm not!" the girl protested. Dropping her voice, she muttered, "It's Kikyo..."

Sesshomaru shook his head at the stupid human's ignorance. "While it's true that he possesses lingering feelings for that one, she is the past. You are the present. And as far as I can tell, you are also his future, thus making you the perfect hostage. Don't try to escape- you're useful, but not worth the trouble." Then he swept out of the cave.

Then Rin ran into the cave. "Who are you? Lord Sesshomaru wouldn't tell me why he brought you here or who you are. So?" She tilted her head in confusion.

"I'm Kagome." Kagome tried to find a way to tell the girl- _nicely_- what her guardian's intentions were. "Er... He brought me here to make sure Inuyasha would come see him."

"Oh." Rin sat down. "Do you want some fruit?" She held up a watermelon. Kagome had a feeling that it hadn't been acquired legally, but...

"Sure," she said, smiling down at the girl and taking some. They talked for a while- mostly Rin asking questions and Kagome answering them to the best of her ability.

"Why do Lord Sesshomaru and his brother fight all the time?"

"Well, I think it's because Sesshomaru didn't like humans very much at first- in fact, I doubt he does now besides you- and Inuyasha has the same father as him but a human mother, but it's turned into a fight for Tetsusaiga. Though... maybe... it's to help Inuyasha get stronger..." Kagome frowned as she pondered the thought. Sesshomaru had certainly first attacked Inuyasha to get Tetsusaiga- there was no doubt about that. He had also made it very clear that he thought the half-demon was inferior because of his human blood. However, Kagome realized that all those times Sesshomaru had spared him when he could have killed him... maybe he cared more about his half-brother than he let on.

"Kagome?" Rin piped up. "I have another question. Why would you being here make Lord Sesshomaru's brother come here?"

"Well... Inuyasha is very protective of me... so he tries to keep me safe. He also tries to keep me with him so that he can watch over me."

"Oh." Rin seemed to find that answer acceptable. "But why is Lord Sesshomaru going to such great lengths? Couldn't he just go to his brother? And what's he need him for?"

"I don't actually know," Kagome said thoughtfully. "I guess he could just go straight to Inuyasha, but he's trying to get Tetsusaiga- Inuyasha won't give it up without putting up a good fight. Sesshomaru might lose if Inuyasha goes into his full demon form, but he just rampages around and fights on instinct- he doesn't have the advantage of strategy that Sesshomaru does, so Sesshomaru would probably win. Maybe he's actually worried about Inuyasha- the full demon form saps his strength and could cause him to die."

Rin looked surprised. "So why does Lord Sesshomaru fight him if he doesn't want him to die?" she asked.

"Well, like I said, Sesshomaru might be doing all this to train Inuyasha- they do say that the best teacher is experience, so maybe that's it."

"RIN! DON'T FRATERNIZE WITH THE ENEMY!" Jaken shouted shrilly.

"Fine, Master Jaken," Rin sighed sadly. She had finally found someone to talk to, but now Jaken wouldn't let her! Did he have any idea at all how difficult it was to be stuck with someone who found oneself annoying, stuck with someone else who didn't like to talk, and then stuck with someone who just didn't talk at all? It was sad- A-Un, although they didn't talk, were probably the best company she ever got since Jaken was always scolding her and Sesshomaru wasn't really around much.

Jaken was irritated by Rin. Didn't she know how difficult it was to be so utterly devoted to Lord Sesshomaru for so many years, only for the great demon to care more about some upstart little human who would just die off in a few decades? It was sad- it seemed like the whole world was out to get him. "I should've listened to Mother and become a ferryman," he grumbled.

"What was that, Jaken?" Sesshomaru asked quietly.

"N-N-N-Nothing, milord!" he squawked. "You know I live to serve you!"

"Hn," he grunted noncommitedly. Jaken released a sigh of relief that caught in his throat as Sesshomaru stood up. "He's here."

Sesshomaru and Inuyasha proceeded to duke it out in another of their epic fights that are so awesome that my words can't do it justice, A.K.A. I can't write good fight scenes. Inuyasha ended up knocked out, and Sesshomaru spared him and flew off, A-Un carrying Rin and Jaken and flying after him.

'_I was right_,' Sesshomaru thought. '_He _is_ better when he's fighting for that girl. But is he strong enough to defeat Naraku?' _Then he mentally berated himself for making it look like the pathetic story that was pathetically non-canon written by the pathetic human actually had a pathetic plot.

**Petal: The end of another chapter. I'm running out of ideas here! It's been a while since I've watched the show, so please send up more cliches! And this story is becoming way too much like my other failure, PokeSpe-Naruto!**


	6. Day 5

**Petal: Hello, everyone! I'm back!**

**Everyone: Aw, darn!**

**Petal: ...I'm hurt, you guys. I don't own Inuyasha, now here's the pathetically short sixth chapter!**

"SIT BOY SIT BOY SIT BOY!"

"OW OW OW! WHAT WAS THAT FOR, KAGOME!"

"YOU STOLE THE LAST FISH! SHIPPO NEEDS TO EAT, TOO, YOU KNOW!"

"HEY, I'M THE ONE WHO DOES ALL THE FIGHTING! I NEED MORE ENERGY THAN HIM!"

As our lovely InuKag couple continued quarreling, Miroku and Sango both gave long-suffering sighs. Hojo watched worriedly, and Shippo grinned with satisfaction as he saw Inuyasha get what he deserved.

"Kagome, I think you should let this one go," Sango sighed.

"Why?!" the girl demanded.

"While you two were arguing, demons surrounded us," Miroku explained.

Sango held Hiraikotsu at ready, and Inuyasha drew Tetsusaiga.

The demons (turning out to be gigantic chicken demons) attacked with a loud, _"Buh-CAWWWW!"_

"HIRAIKOTSU!"

"WIND SCAR!"

"YAAAAH!"

Miroku couldn't yell out a cool attack name because Kagome stopped him from using the Wind Tunnel. "I sense a jewel shard!" Thus, he was left with his staff.

The team beat up the demons, hacking, slicing, and whacking while Kagome shot arrows and Shippo ran around helplessly.

"That was the last one," Sango sighed, cleaning off her boomerang. "Can I assume that we're having chicken for dinner?"

Kagome nodded.

"Figures. I still think we should get rid of it," the older girl sighed. "After all, if you boil a demon, it-" She stopped. "I just got an idea..."

"And what would that idea be, my dear Sango?" Miroku asked.

Sango slapped him as she explained, "I still have that tangible bit of Sesshomaru's demonic aura. Should we see what we get from it?"

"Of course!"

"YEAH!"

"I dunno..."

"N-Not really..."

"Who's Sesshomaru?"

"Sesshomaru is the white-haired demon who keeps attacking Inuyasha," Sango explained to the clueless Hojo. Shippo was still shaking like a leaf.

When the water was boiled, Sango dropped the demonic aura in.

Out popped a little cute chibi Sesshomaru. "HOOOOOOOOT!" it screamed. "OW! OW! HOOOOOOOOOOOOT!"

"It's not acting like Sesshomaru," Shippo observed in relief.

"So... Now that the experiment is a success... what do we do with it?" Kagome asked.

"I don't know..."

"Maybe we could take it hostage?"

"I say we kill it!"

"Can I do it? It looks weak!"

"Aw, but it's so cute..."

Hojo was ignored. They all knew that anything that came from Sesshomaru's demonic aura would be far from cute.

Inuyasha raised his sword, but then he got in an argument with Shippo over who would get to beat the chibi.

"Let Shippo do it, Inuyasha!" Kagome admonished him. "Maybe it'll make him stronger!"

Shippo grinned and hopped in front of the chibi Sesshomaru who happened to be the same height as him. He bopped the chibi on the head.

The chibi bopped him back, sending him crashing into the dirt.

Inuyasha laughed and was sat.

"So now what do we do with it?" Kagome sighed.

"Take it hostage," Miroku suggested again.

"No, you guys should just let me kill it," Inuyasha argued.

"Um, you guys...?"

"I wanted to beat it!" Shippo complained.

"Shippo, I don't think you can," Sango said gently. "I mean, he sent you flying into the dirt..."

"Er, the chibi..."

"You should listen to Sango, Shippo," Kagome said. "I don't want you to get hurt."

"Yeah, so you all should let me beat it!" Inuyasha insisted. He was largely ignored.

"Maybe we should see up to what level of strength sutras will work on it?" Miroku asked, giving another interesting suggestion.

"THE CHIBI LEFT ALREADY!"

The group froze and turned to Hojo. "It what?"

"It left," the boy repeated. "It went thataway." He pointed in the direction of the next town.

He was soon left behind as they zoomed off after it.

When they finally reached the town, they saw it threatening a girl.

"It's so cute! What is it?" the girl gushed.

"I am not cute!" the chibi squeaked. "I am the all-powerful Lord Sesshomaru! I will conquer the world!"

"Awwwwwwwwww!" the girl and her friends cooed.

Chibi Sesshomaru yelled, "I'll start by stealing that important-looking thing on your head!" He grabbed the girl's headpiece and climbed to the top of the largest building in the town.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" the girl wailed. "THAT WAS MY GREAT-GREAT-GREAT-GRANDMOTHER'S! IT'S A FAMILY HEIRLOOM! I CHANGED MY MIND! THAT THING ISN'T CUTE ANYMORE!"

Kagome shot it down with one of her arrows. It disappeared, and the comb fell into the girl's hands.

"Thank you!" the girl sobbed as one of her friends put it back in her hair.

"Your welcome," Kagome said with a smile.

"No, really, thank you!" the girl said. "This comb is very valuable! As you can see, it's encrusted with several precious stones, and it even has a shard of the Shikon no Tama on it that was added a few months ago! I'll give you anything you want as a reward for finding it!"

Kagome froze. _'Shikon shard...?'_ "Um... Can... Can we..."

"We want the shard," Inuyasha interrupted, straightforward as usual.

To the whole group's surprise, the girl plucked it out of the comb and handed it over. "Sure, take it! I've heard these things cause destruction and chaos; we just kept it 'cause it was pretty."

Everyone sweatdropped. _'What's with this girl...'_

So they got the jewel shard, and everyone except Hojo was happy.

* * *

><p>Hojo wandered around the forest. "Hellooooooooooooo? Kagomeeeeeeeeee? Everyoooooooooone?" he called helplessly. "I'm looooooooooost!" In the end, by pure and miraculous luck, he ended up in the village before anybody even noticed he had been missing.<p>

**Petal: The end. Two more chapters to go! Then it's finally over!**


	7. Day 6

**Petal: I'M BACK, PEOPLEZ!**

**Inuyasha Cast: Darn it.**

**Petal: ...Oh, be quiet. So, if you haven't noticed, I changed the title of the story! Next update is the last one.**

**Inuyasha Cast: *stare* *processing...* *computed* WHOO!**

**Petal: I know, right?! So! I don't own Inuyasha! Without further ado, let's continue the story!**

"WIND SCAR!" Inuyasha smirked, and Kagome grabbed the jewel shard that fell out of the sky from the boar demon.

"Ham for lunch?" Shippo asked excitedly.

Sango frowned. "Like I said last chapter, we should boil them..."

"Whatever you say," Miroku said cheerfully, rubbing her bottom again. She threw her soda can at him and went to sit next to Bob.

"Please don't hurt me!" the poor cameraman whimpered.

Kagome sighed. "Well... Should we go back to the village?" she suggested. "We're running low on supplies."

"Yes, good idea!" Miroku declared. "At our last stop, I heard a rumor that a famed jewel collector is going to pass through there! If he has a shard, perhaps we could- ahem- _persuade_ him to part with it..."

Inuyasha nodded in approval. "Yeah, let's go!"

Sango got up, too, and poked Hojo with a stick. "Come on, it's time to go!" she called up.

"..." There was no answer.

"I'll go get him!" Shippo volunteered, scrambling up the tree the human was hiding in. "Hey, Hojo-baka, let's get going!"

"I-Is the pig gone?" he asked, voice trembling.

They all sweatdropped. Inuyasha voiced their collective thoughts. "You're afraid of porkers?"

Hojo cringed. "D-Don't say that word!" he whimpered. "They're s-s-s-s-s-scary! I know they're trying t-to e-e-e-e-e-eat me!"

"Too bad. We're going anyway!" Inuyasha snapped, leaping up and grabbing him and Shippo like they were sacks of potatoes. Kagome sighed and climbed onto his back.

"Don't pick on them, Inuyasha!" she scolded. He simply responded with a "Keh!"

Sango sighed and climbed aboard Kirara, Miroku behind her, and they were off.

* * *

><p>"PIGS!" Hojo screamed shrilly.<p>

Inuyasha laughed, Kagome facepalmed, Shippo rolled his eyes, Sango sighed, Miroku smiled, and Kirara meowed.

Hojo just kept clinging to the tree branch.

"Yes, these are my prized boars," the jewel collector said grandly, spreading his arms. "Betty, Bertha, and Dave."

Sango frowned. "Those are odd names..."

"Why's the last one Dave?" Shippo asked confusedly.

"Ah, forgive me," the collector said. "I just made those up on the spot. Their real names are Kira, Doki, and Niko."

The group sweatdropped.

"Um... May we see your jewel collection?" Kagome asked quickly in an attempt to salvage their mission.

"Of course, of course!" the jewel collector said merrily. "Come, young ones; it's this way!" Whistling a happy tune, he led them into Kaede's residence (the unofficial inn of the village, as seen when Kagome first landed), his boars following him. "I've got many beautiful gems here. A lustrous green pearl, a flawless pink diamond, a beautiful ruby of the deepest red, an odd pink sapphire, a lovely emerald, a rare red topaz, and an elegant black opal, just to name a few!"

There were stray hairs sticking out of our protagonists' heads. _'A few...?'_

"And, of course, the prize of my collection," he said gleefully. "A large shard of the the Shikon no Tama!"

That got their attention.

"Look at how excited you are!" he laughed. "You young people are all the same; just the mention of it gets to you! It's brought me nothing but good luck in finding rare gems!"

"I-Is that so," stuttered Hojo, who was eyeing the boars warily.

"Oh, yes, very much so! In fact, all those gems I just showed you were found only after I discovered this shard!" The collector nodded proudly. "Yes, it's my most valuable treasure! Well... Next to my boars, that is! Isn't that right, Kira, Doki, Niko, my children?" He hugged his boars. His boars just snorted.

The shard hunters exchanged a meaningful glance that was interpreted by each in many different ways.

_"We can't take the poor guy's jewel shard without compensating him,"_ Kagome read in their eyes.

_"We have to think of something, quick!"_ Sango read.

_"Oh, Miroku-sama, please find the best way to convince him to give it us!"_ Miroku read.

_"Shippo, we're counting on you!"_ Shippo read.

_"Let's just grab it run,"_ Inuyasha read.

They all nodded, signalling that they understood, meaning they didn't understand at all.

Luckily or unluckily, the jewel collector accidentally dropped the jewel, and Kira ate it before anyone could react.

Of course, then she immediately grew to a large size and started sparkling.

They all had different reactions.

The jewel collector screamed, "MY BABY!"

The other two boars just snorted.

Shippo gulped.

Miroku grinned and readied his staff.

Sango sighed and readied Hiraikotsu.

Kagome winced and readied her bow.

Inuyasha smirked and readied Tetsusaiga.

Hojo screamed like a little girl.

Kaede shouted, "NO FIGHTING INSIDE!" even though the low roof had already been broken by Kira's sudden transformation.

Kira suddenly turned to face Hojo.

Hojo screamed even louder and more shrilly before high-tailing it out of there.

"RUN OUT OF THE VILLAGE SO THERE'S MORE ROOM TO FIGHT IT!" Inuyasha shouted.

"MY BABY!" the jewel collector screamed again. The boars started squealing.

Anyway, they all ran after Kira who was running after Hojo who was running for his life. Eventually, they came to a stop right by Inuyasha's Forest.

Inuyasha smirked. "Perfect spot for fighting." The shard hunters all knew the area like their own weapons (there wasn't much to do when Kagome was away)- they had the advantage.

Unfortunately, the jewel collector wasn't about to let them hurt his baby. "NO! YOU CAN'T HURT KIRA!" he shouted. "PLEASE, FIND A NON-VIOLENT WAY TO GET THE JEWEL SHARD OUT OF HER!" Doki and Niko grunted in agreement and moved to stand protectively in front of their sister.

"We could force something gross down her throat," suggest Shippo, Master of Pranks. "Then she'd throw up, and the jewel shard would come out."

"I'll even dig it out of the vomit and clean it out with super strength lye soap!" the gem collector added.

"You don't even have super strength lye soap yet..." Kagome sighed, but she and the others agreed to the plan.

Unfortunately, Hojo was still afraid of the boar. Now that she was giant and sparkly, she scared him even more. He proceeded to run into the forest...

"NO! IDIOT!" Inuyasha shouted, hefting Kagome onto his back and charging after the human.

"We'll be over here, mixing all Kira's least favorite foods!" the gem collector called. "Remember, don't hurt her!"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever!" They soon caught up to Hojo, who was hyperventilating and crying.

"Hojo! Calm down!" Kagome exclaimed, panicked.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! IT'S A PIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIG!" he wailed.

Then he tripped.

And fell.

Straight down the well.

And Kagome and Inuyasha jumped after him so he wouldn't die from the fall.

And then they ended up back home.

Well.

So much for the week.

**Petal: Cliffie?**

**Inuyasha: Yeah, right! It's obvious we're gonna leave Hojo in the future and make the pig barf out the jewel shard.**

**Petal: Are you suuuuuuuuuuuuuure? *tries to make a twinkle in eye***

**Shippo: That was the biggest fail I've ever seen...**

**Petal: Psh, you should see me trying to get reviews. Speaking of which, please review!**


End file.
